Turning off the tears

 

“The Heart Of Life”
John Mayer

I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There’s things you need to hear
So turn off your tears
And listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know, it’s nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then, circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No it won’t all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
Fear is a friend who’s misunderstood
But I know the heart of life is good
I know it’s good

 

 

” Just a question…” he broke the silence.

Immediately, I was brought back to reality. He is real and in front of me. Sipping his usual coffee. And I am again, either beside him, or in front of him. This time, I am beside him. I can see him from my peripheral vision wherever I turn my head. Not that it matters anyway.

“Fireaway,” I said without looking at him. My eyes are still looking through the glass wall in my right side. It was nice watching cars and people.

“What or When is the happiest moment in your life?” He said straightforward without a pause.

My heart stopped a bit.

My brain cells rallied to come up with answer. It didn’t take long. I knew. It had to be. But then again, it is something I am not free to say to anyone, even him. I smiled inside.

I looked straight at him and said, ” I don’t know.”

But I knew.

He flinched. “You don’t know? You do not have —?”

I can see from his reaction that he was surprised by my response. He bounced back immediately with a retort about something like my answer is insulting. Perhaps yes, perhaps no. More on, I guess he was phishing.

I knew.

I smiled again.

But I cannot be vocal about it.

I am turning 30 come mid of this year. And at this age, I know when I should zip my lips or not. Just like this very moment. I don’t want to ruin the day just by saying something. What matters is that we are both here. Drinking coffee, sharing stories and weekly adventure, sharing glances while sipping coffee.

If only things are different. But then again…how can it be.

Coffee. Memories. Movies.

Tanduay Ice. Music. Laughter.

Sharing few moments. Precious minutes.

To make a memory.

An excuse.

A happy moment.

Amongst the most.