this ain’t goodbye

 

 

“This Ain’t Goodbye”
TRAIN

reflection

 Maybe -Enrique Iglesias

If I had one single wish,
I’d go back to the moment I kissed you goodbye
No matter how hard I try,
I can’t live without you in my life

Maybe you’ll say you still want me
Maybe you’ll say that you don’t
Maybe we say it was over
Baby, I can’t let you go

I walk around couldn’t understand
Where we were wrong and I can’t pretend
It wasn’t me it wasn’t you
But I’m convinced we gave up too soon

Maybe you’ll say you still want me
Maybe you’ll say that you don’t
Maybe we say it was over
Baby I can’t let you go

Nothing that you lose was up to losing you
There’s nothing I can take
When I run to you, when I come for you
You tell me I’m too late

Maybe you’ll say you still want me
Maybe you’ll say that you don’t
Maybe we say it was over
Baby I can’t let you go

(Maybe you’ll say you still want me)
(Maybe you’ll say that you don’t)
(Maybe we say it was over)
Can’t let you go
(Baby I can’t let you go)
Can’t let you go
Can’t let you go
Can’t let you go

It’s hard to grow and live in the world where you never feel like you are pretty enough. Then when I do right, no one remembers; and when I do wrong, no one forgets. So I am going to pretend like nothing ever happened and distance myself from everyone again.

Every girl needs a man. A man who will prove that not every guy is the same as the one who hurt her. I am not just every girl no matter how ordinary I feel I am. I am the kind of girl that when I cry, I cry. I just don’t cry with too many people staring at me. When I fall for someone, I fall too hard. Apparently, not hard enough to break the protective gear around my head. People tell me I’m too intense when it comes to emotions. They would never understand. I’ll do anything to be around that special one- well, not so much if I am too afraid to get hurt. There are crucial moments that one has to let go of something one cannot leave without. Letting go means saving yourself from a lifetime of emptiness. A view from a far, a silent whisper in the winds, a chance to stay even in shadows, are even better than the alternative which is to live alone and bid goodbye. I chose to stay around. Shadows are better than none.

I don’t always look perfect or proper. I certainly am not ‘Hot’ and ‘sexy’. Most of the time I get insecure. I am the kind of girl who will walk in when the rest of the world walks out. And I know my countless flaws, But I’ll love you better than anyone else ever could. I could be that ‘best’ someone the world has for you.

I want to be the girl who makes your bad days better. The one that makes you say, ” my life has changed since I met her” or ” she made me smile again & kept me alive.” 

I wish I could drink my own words, I know for sure how bitter they would taste.

Today, I begin to understand what a special kind of love must be, unconditional, if it exists. When we are split up, we each feel the lack of the other half of ourselves. We can stand alone and yet somewhat bereft. We are incomplete like a mind who cannot function properly if the right or left has been lost. We are the both sides of the brain. Kindred spirits. Soul mates. Bound or not, it is unconditional & never-questioning, that I imagine special love to be. Void in truancy.

Today, I understand me.

And why we cannot be.

If just for a day

Stay, I wish I could stay
You could call in sick
We could make out all day
Or maybe take the dog for a walk
Have a picnic by the water
Just there and talk
But not a word about the future