drenched with tears

Tonight, I am alone. I have set the mood of our room for memories of you who was once precious, but is now missing. I lighted some candles, searched for the worn out photos of yesteryear, dropped down the fake smile remembering your face… finally, allowed my self to really feel the pain. I need to cry, say, for ten minutes. I am allowing myself to despair and wail and cry. Then, take the next ten minutes to crank up some rhythmic music and express the pain physically – to clean my pad, scrub off the dirt in each and every corner. This will help me release my brain chemicals. Grief held inside a poison. Why should I cry hard for you. I’ll give you just ten minutes and I have to move on after that.

a picture on the wall