If just for a day

Stay, I wish I could stay
You could call in sick
We could make out all day
Or maybe take the dog for a walk
Have a picnic by the water
Just there and talk
But not a word about the future

prey

waiting
leering
unnerving
silent
awaiting the prey
patient
accounting
everything
the weather
the condition
the time
the location

here comes the
awaited
slow
slank
easy
unknowing
unmindful
oblivious
still
smiling

WHOOP!

caught
red-handed
jilted
trapped
betrayed

Diary of a what used to be a broken soul

I SHOULDN’T BE TALKING ABOUT THIS 😥

Hi. Call me Fria and I am the saddest girl on the planet right now. I want my buttercookies. I have trouble sleeping these days, and yup I frickin’ am in hell right now.

I want my chocolate kisses and mallows.
I want my ice cream and mango shake.
I want my strappy sandals.
I want my tent and camping gear.
I want my ebooks and MacPro.

Fairygodmother, can you bring me these?

Date:  Three Weeks Ago  
I stopped my tears from dropping and I told myself , I’m gonna be strong! I’ve walked a thousand miles already, but until now, I cannot truly comprehend why no one have been there beside me always. How I wish life is as simple as those in a children’s book. Never a conflict that cannot be resolved by a handsome prince. When will I be rescued? Have I been rescued? Why is it that until now, I still do not know where to go. Or where have I been and why I am here now looking forlorn and lost when I shouldn’t be?

Despite my seemingly nonexistence, I learned a lot these past few years, through my fake smiles and unseen tears. Friends aren’t always forever as love doesn’t always last. I crumbled and fall, and no matter how I try not to break down, I did at some point. I truly respect those people who stay strong when they have every right to break down. They are definitely way ahead of me in that department. What is wrong with me?

Date: November 15, 2011
It’s hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone if your heart still does. And it’s hard as well to stop falling for someone if that person’s smile touches your sullen heart. I have been lucky to garner a lot of smiles. Not lucky enough though, it can’t totally heal my broken heart. Until now, at my not-so-young age, I still am confused why I am feeling this way. I fall easily. I cry easily. I get hurt easily. Just one smile and my world will lighten up. All I want is someone who will stay no matter how hard it is to be with me. And I might have that now. Might… because I can never know for sure, right? No one is ever sure of the future.

Date: November 17, 2011
I looked around. Familiar faces. New acquaintances. Budding friendship. Progressing work life. I still am torn because of too many job offers. But I am beginning to like the people I work with. I love the campaign I am with. I might not like the benefits as it wasn’t sufficient enough in comparison to what I should be getting; I love learning and this work is good for me. It will satisfy my curious mind. I hope it will be as stable as the ‘day and night’.

A particular face appeared. 
An exchange of smile and glances. 
A heartbeat missing its routine. 
A smile painted in my lips.
A wonderful day!

Date: November 21, 2011 

I cried today. My heart bled. Tears fell, I cried silently. I hope no one suspected I did. If they look me in the eye, they will know. No one tried to even ask if I’m okay. So, I guess, they don’t care really. I had my heart broken because of something I could have prevented. I was late in work. I was never late. I lived until today and I have never been late. Just now. And it made my heart cry. I was feeling so alone, so inadequate, so unloved. And whenever I am in pain, I tend to see people around me as my oppressor. I tend to see judging eyes breaking me into pieces. I was breaking inside. I can’t scream no matter how I wanted. I cannot cry out loud to express the pains. I can’t even let the tears flood down as it will ruin my face and will catch attention. But I did however noticed that a seatmate paid attention to me.

In a way, I am grateful he was there. He served as a catalyst to my heart’s impending doom. He smiled as if sending me a message that everything will be alright. He said life should be easy and I should not worry. He does not know that my life was never easy even if it should be. He never asked if I cried. I suspect he knew but gladly he did not ask. I might have poured down if he did.

When the shift ended, I hurried to the locker to get my things. I was staring into a blank wall for God knows how long, and she was in queue behind me. I didn’t realize she was staring at my eyes. She said that the color of my irises are nice. She even thought I was wearing contact lenses as my irises are soft brown and looked teary. I told her I wasn’t and it’s natural. (OMG). She also said that the color of my eyes are like my soul. It looked so lonely, so forlorn and wanting to cry. Somehow, she got it right. I was forlorn. I am. I think I can never truly be happy all the time. Though I wish I could be.

Date: November 22, 2011
Someone smiled, again, at me. I smiled back. He won’t stop smiling. I can’t stop smiling as well. This can’t be. But I am happier now and I’m glad that someone made me smile.

Date: November 23rd
Another day. Another smile. Heart skipping a beat. Every thing looked sunny.  Looking forward to tomorrow.

Date: November 24th (4am)
My mind is awake, my body is not. I found myself in front of my computer. My fingers seemed to develop a mind of its own, typing down notes of yesterday.

I feel that sometimes, nobody’s ever held me down and forced me to cry or made me hug them, or got to the inside of me. It’s like I say, “Oh I’m fine”, and I walk away,
and nobody has ever said “No you’re not.”  And just few days ago, someone told me I should think differently coz life is easy. It is getting easier somehow. I’m glad. And I am thankful for that wonderful smile that changed my day.

to be continued… x0x0 Fria

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

When I’m with you, time slows down to a stop, all i can see is your smile, and all i can notice is my heart skipping a beat. i sure think yours skipped a beat as well.  🙂 
-evil laughter-


Okay. Fine. Not a goodbye. I feel like typing it a little longer. Just a little bit. You have been running in my mind for days.


waaaaaaaaaaaaaah, nothing else to say, so yeah, bye. For now.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

currently playing

Adele
Make You Feel My Love lyrics

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no – one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
Haven’t made
Your mind up yet
But I would never
Do you wrong
I’ve known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I’d go hungry
I’d go black and blue
I’d go crawling
Down the avenue
Know there’s nothing
That I wouldn’t do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain’t seen nothing
Like me yet

I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn’t do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love

Tonight I Wanna Cry Lyrics
Artist(Band):Keith Urban 

Alone in this house again tonight
I got the TV on, the sound turned down and a bottle of wine
There’s pictures of you and I on the walls around me
The way that it was and could have been surrounds me
I’ll never get over you walkin’ away

(Chorus:)
I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Would it help if I turned a sad song on
“All By Myself” would sure hit me hard now that you’re gone
Or maybe unfold some old yellow lost love letters
It’s gonna hurt bad before it gets better
But I’ll never get over you by hidin’ this way

I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with my pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

I’ve never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that bein’ strong meant never losin’ your self-control
But I’m just drunk enough to let go of my pain
To hell with this pride, let it fall like rain
From my eyes
Tonight I wanna cry

Cannonball Lyrics
Artist(Band):Damien Rice

There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
It’s still a little hard to say what’s going on

There’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
There’s still a little bit of your face i haven’t kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can´t say what´s going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to lie
Life, it taught me to die
So it’s not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

There’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
There’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can´t see what´s going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So its not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon.

Stones taught me to fly
Love, it taught me to cry
So come on courage, teach me to be shy
‘Cause its not hard to fall,
And I don’t want to scare her
Its not hard to fall
And i don’t want to lose
Its not hard to grow
When you know that you just don’t know

For Me It’s You Lyrics
Artist(Band):Train

If I ever find truth I’m gonna let you know
If I ever find faith I’m gonna sit in every bit of its afterglow
If I ever find a way to bring love here today
You better bet your life that this is what I’ll say
Give it if you’ve got it
Get it if you don’t

Take my hand in the meantime
And let’s walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about, laugh about, cry about
It’s true
For me it’s you

Give it away, give it away, give it away
If it’s something that you got layin’ round your house
Man let me tell ya if ain’t a kiss
It’s something you’ll never miss
Give it to somebody that don’t have a thing layin’ round like a prayer or a
sweet sound
Give it if you’ve got it
Get it if you don’t

Take my hand in the meantime
Let’s walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something that they want to sing about, laugh about, cry about
It’s true
For me it’s you

Na na na na na na na na na
For me it’s you
Na na na na na na na na na
For me it’s you
Na na na na na na na na na
For me it’s you
Na na na na na na na na na

Give it to somebody that don’t have a thing
Ain’t got soft shoes to dance or a love song to sing – no
Get yourself on the right track
Let somebody ride your back for a while

If I ever find truth I’m gonna let you know
You better bet your life if this is what I’m gonna say just give it away
You can’t take it where you’re goin anyway

Take my hand in the meantime
And let’s walk into the sunshine
Everybody got something they want to sing about, laugh about cry about it’s true
For me it’s you

Marry Me
Artist(Band):Train  

Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I’ve had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won’t let them see
But there’s one thing left to do

Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry Me
Today and every day
Marry Me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Together can never be close enough for me
Feel like I am close enough to you
You wear white and I’ll wear out the words I love
And you’re beautiful
Now that the wait is over
And love and has finally shown her my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Mm-hmm

Promise me
You’ll always be
Happy by my side
I promise to
Sing to you
When all the music dies

And marry me
Today and everyday
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Say you will
Marry me
Mm-hmm

Someday
Artist(Band):Rob Thomas   

You can go, you can start all over again
You could try to find a way to make another day go by
You can hide, hold all your feelings inside
You could try to carry on when all you wanna do is cry

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
And try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

Now we wait and try to find another mistake
If you throw it all away then maybe you could change your mind
You can run, oh, and when everything is over and done
You could shine a little light on everything around you
Man, it’s good to be someone

And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
Find more similar lyrics on

We’ll be better off somehow, someday

And I don’t wanna wait, I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight, tell it to me slow

‘Cause maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
We’ll put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to just feel better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

‘Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

‘Cause sometimes we don’t really notice
Just how good it can get
So maybe we should start all over
Start all over again

 

 

** To date, these are the song frequently played in my ipod. Loved the music, the lyrics, and the people I remember every time these are heard. Xoxo

 

DISCLAIMER

You can’t unlove me
when you just learned to like me,
when you just learned to appreciate,
how I make you feel good,
how I make you grin and laugh.

You can’t unlove me
when you just learned to shrug off the problems,
when you just learned to pay it forward,
learned to do good thing daily
when you just learned how to give a genuine smile.